Never Been
by MadnessinmyMethod
Summary: The classic tale of a neurotic and melodramatic girl. She's sweet sixteen and never been kissed. What else is a normal, hormonal teenager to do? Make a list. SaixSakura. T for language.


_**Never Been**_

_By MadnessinmyMethod_

* * *

Alarm clocks need to die.

I would be the last one to admit that these insensitive little timing devices cause my blood to boil with an all-consuming rage, but there you have it. What gets me the most is that I really have no need whatsoever to be up at this ungodly hour, but I've gotten into the habit of waking up early and hating it. It's kind of my thing.

But anyway, now that I'm over that little tragedy or trauma (whatever you want to call it), I can make my point. My name is Haruno Sakura and at precisely 3:15 am, I turned sixteen. Today is my birthday. So now I'll explain why I'm depressed. I've reached my "sweet sixteen" and I've "never been kissed."

I know, I know, I'm tacky, corny, and cliché on so many levels. Impale me on a kunai. See if I care. (Actually, Ino has threatened to do just that if I don't kiss someone already.) So anyway, I'll get back to my point with a little more tackiness before I carry on. I'm telling this story because they say that magical things can happen on your birthday (don't ask who "they" are). So, you know, I don't want to push my luck asking for Sasuke to come back and sweep me off my feet (somewhat unrealistic), but a kiss from some nice boy would be… well… nice. Just to know what it's like.

"What you need," Ino told me sincerely, "is someone you can experiment with, but won't expect anything in return."

"And someone I trust," I added.

"Yeah, right, trust," she said distractedly, pushing her ponytail over her shoulder. "So let's start with a list of all the teenage males you know."

"Hey, where'd that pen and note pad come from?"

"Never mind that, Sakura. It's list time." Ino scooted her chair closer to mine. "Here," she said, shoving my coffee cup a bit nearer to my unoccupied hands. "Drink up so you're a little less slow."

"Hey!" I protested half-heartedly.

Ino rolled her eyes. "List," she insisted, poking a finger at the notepad.

"Alright, so I know Naruto, Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba, Shino…" I bit my lip as I thought past the original rookie nine. "Lee and Neji…" Beyond Konoha. "Let's see… Gaara and Kankuro."

"Don't forget Sai," Ino said.

"Oh, right."

I drummed my fingers for a bit, in part to piss off Ino and in part to think further. "Alright," Ino said, a bit irritated with the rapid movement of my digits. "That's all I can think of too."

Her list was rather sloppily written, but Ino's handwriting had never been particularly pristine. "So now what?" I asked, sipping the coffee she had been pushing on my a few minutes ago.

"Now we cross off names," Ino said. "Get rid of Gaara and Kankuro because they live too far away."

"Shine makes me itchy… it's just weird," I confessed.

"I hear ya'. No Naruto or Lee 'cause they'll want dates."

I shuddered at the thought. "Who's left?"

"Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba, Neji, and Sai."

"Cross off Neji," I said. "Everyone knows he and Tenten are destined for each other."

"Alright, so Shikamaru, Chouji, and Kiba, what about them?"

I frowned. "I guess no. I don't know them well enough." I sighed in frustration. "Damn it!"

"Wait, there's still a name on the list," Ino said, pointing to the very bottom. Sai's name was circled.

"Well, I could always hope that Sasuke comes back," I lamented. It was pity time.

"Oh, just kiss the boy. He's your teammate so you know and trust him. He won't be expecting anything since he doesn't get people. What do you have to lose?"

Answers like "dignity" and "self-respect" ran through my head, but stayed there. "Whatever," I murmured noncommittally.

"Alright," Ino said exasperatedly. "If I get him to stop wearing a belly shirt, will you kiss him?"

Now that idea was favorable. "Yeah, okay."

"Good, now I won't have to impale you on a kunai for your birthday," Ino said smiling widely.

"Though it'd be amusing to see you try," I replied dryly and departed from the café with a cold Styrofoam cup of coffee in my left hand. I sipped it and wrinkled my nose in disgust before choosing to deposit it in a nearby trashcan. I was late for work after that bout of planning. Yeah, Tsunade-shishou was making me work on my birthday.

As Sakura disappeared, Ino grinned wickedly. "I think I'd better help this along," she muttered softly. She took up the pen again and hastily scribbled across the top of the paper: "Sakura's Birthday Potential Kiss List." Then Ino took great care to circle Sai's name even more emphatically.

"Oh, perfect," she declared catching sight of Sai out on the street.

"Oh, sorry, Sai."

"It's fine. Just watch where you're going next time, Ino."

"See you at Sakura's party tonight! Oh, and by the way, the dress code is you have to wear a full length shirt!"

* * *

I'm not vain really. Used to worry about various forehead ("five"-head) issues, but those are mostly over now. But that's kind of the problem with Sai. He makes me so conscious about all that baggage again 'cause he has to be so frickin' (yes, frickin') candid. Though… Naruto has insisted that Sai is "full of shit."

Ahg…

I'm just worried about it all I guess, but he's the only one who will work. Plus Ino really will impale me on a kunai if I don't.

"Sakura!"

"Crap! That's loud!" I shouted before I could stop myself. I instantly slapped a hand over my mouth and looked at the all-powerful Hokage in fear. "Y-yes, Tsunade-shishou?"

Tsunade smirked at me. "I wanted to give you your birthday present," she told me.

"Oh."

"Well, come on."

I hastened after my teacher as she directed me towards her office. Birthday present? We stepped into a very familiar room and I waited patiently while Tsunade fished a plainly wrapped box out of one of her desk drawers. I heard the distinct glassy clink of a sake bottle but let the issue go. Shizune would find the bottle soon enough.

"I want you to have this," she said to me. "Sarutobi-sensei, the Third, gave us gifts when we became jonin, back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth." I raised an eyebrow. Tsunade-sama never poked fun at her age. What a strange day. "Anyway, you may not be a jonin yet, but I want to pass this along to you anyway."

"Thank you, Tsunde-shishou." I accepted the bow and opened it slowly. I always hated wrapping paper. Stupid tape. Nonetheless, I managed to get it off without too much struggle.

A thin sliver change spilled out into my hand. It was a bracelet dotted with pink beads. "Yeah," Tsunade said. "I never wore it much. Pink isn't really my color."

I could feel a smile stretching across my face. "Thank you, Tsunade-shishou," I cried and hugged her abruptly.

"Um… yeah… you're welcome," she replied, patting my head awkwardly.

I've always like the disorganized chaos of parties. Time goes by so slowly until you stop and think of when it all started. Such are the evenings in which I part and so was this evening. It began around seven-ish. Now it was nine-ish near ten-ish and felt like it had only been five minutes-ish (sorry, couldn't resist-ish).

There was a massive flood of people in my house, ranging from the little genin Konohamaru to Tsunade-shishou and Jiraiya-sama (I don't know who let him in). Plus the usual everyone in between. And my mother… well, she's going a bit senile now that she's discovered that not everyone in the world uses coasters.

Now, back to the important points of my story. Ino had been glaring at me all night then looking meaningfully at Sai. I'll take my time, damn it!

Well, time doesn't seem to by my friend, because Sai walked over to me, clutching a very familiar piece of notepad paper in his hand. Ino, I am going to murder you in your sleep. Must you make my life obsessively awkward? And here it comes. "Sakura, can I talk to you?" he asked.

I hate how I sound when I'm nervous. I cringed as I replied far too brightly, "Yeah, sure."

If there's one thing I'm eternally grateful for it's that the magnificent people who built our house thought it was a great idea to put a balcony-patio-thing (I can't think of what they're called at this point) on every floor of our house. Sure, I nearly went over the rail dozens of times back in the day, but they're pretty freaking useful right now.

A billion different scenarios (most of them involving me bursting into tears) catapulted into my head as the glass door slid shut. "Sai—" I started.

"I found this," he said slowly, "in my pocket after I crashed into Ino and she told me it was a good idea to wear a shirt that covered my stomach."

I glanced briefly at his stomach that was hidden for once, then focused on my lit that was in his hand.

"Um… about that," I began but broke off. He was staring at me intensely. "Stop looking at me like that!"

His lips curved. "Like what?" he asked innocently.

"I'm sixteen!" I shouted suddenly. "Frickin' sixteen, damn it!" I'm going to kill Ino!"

He was pretty confused. I would be too if someone started shouting gibberish at me. Hell, I was confusing myself. My hand went for the door knob only to be grasped by Sai a few inches away from the intended target.

We were both staring at my hand now. "That's a nice bracelet," Sai said.

"Tsunade-shishou gave it to me," I replied. My brain was getting a bit fuzzy. I was so busy staring at the bracelet I didn't notice Sai's other hand on my cheek, at least not until his face obstructed my view (wow, that's such a lame way to say it).

My mouth opened into an 'o' as Sai's lips brushed against mine. I lost track of time. And, damn, that was really nice. "Oh, man, how did you know how to do that?" I moaned. I wasn't expecting an answer either.

"I read books," Sai said.

"What book—never mind. I don't want to know," I decided (rather wisely, I might add). "Whatever I said about you reading being stupid, I take back."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You never said that."

I blushed. "Oh, those must have been my inner thoughts… um, yeah." I glanced awkwardly away at a point beyond his left shoulder and noticed a rather peculiar sight. Ino was leaning out my bathroom window (which was interesting since the window was several feet above the toilet) with a lopsided grin on her face.

Yay, excellent excuse to flee post-kiss awkwardness (totally a word). "Ino!" I shouted pointing a finger in her direction so Sai would not think I had gone completely mad (just mildly). Her shriek echoed through the still night and I crashed through the door in pursuit of escape.

"Iiiiiinooooooo!"

I found her at the top of the stairs. She was laughing hysterically when I knocked her to the ground. "Ow, hey, watch my hair, you crazy five-head bitch!"

"Why'd you five him the f-ing list?" I demanded. "What if he thinks I'm in love with him now?"

"That has nothing to do with the list," Ino replied, pulling herself out of my grip and dusting off her clothes. "Now, the real reason you're up here is that you were feeling awkward and want to spy on him from a distance."

"What? _No_," I said fiercely. She looked at me hard. "Oh, fine."

Ino smiled and walked over to the banister at the edge of the stairs. "I believe he is very well-positioned right now."

My hands gripped the rail and I looked down three floors to see Naruto and Sai standing next to each other. Ino put a finger to her lips and we leaned close.

"What did you do to Sakura-chan, dattebayo?"

"Nothing. It was Ino. Didn't you hear them shouting, dickless?"

"Eh, but what were you doing on the balcony?"

Curse those splinters!

"…I don't think it would be a good idea to say." He began to tilt his head upward and Ino and I jumped back.

"Oh man, he wants to kiss you _again_," Ino whispered.

"Damn it," I cursed.

"Admit it. You liked it."

"Yes."

"Well, there you have it." Ino took a deep breath and I realized with horror what she was about to do. "SAI! SAKURA-CHAN WANTS TO KISS YOU AGAIN!"

"BITCH!" I screamed into the night.

* * *

**Hey everyone. I know it's been a long time since I've posted anything. If for some reason you were paying attention to my profile to know the details of my rather boring life, then you'll know I was busy and doing a variety of other things which now that those things are no longer causing me to be doing something remotely productive, I've been able to type and post a story. So, that's my lame excuse. I hope you enjoyed this story more than Sonja (who yelled at me for writing another SaixSakura fic. She's a non-believer in the ship, but I suppose she can be forgiven). Please review. **


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